What is the Work You Can't Not Do? (Finding what you love and doing it till you die)

Today, we discuss what the hell I've been up to for the last few weeks!
PATREON!
That is Patreon.
For a brief primer:

• Patreon is a crowd-sourcing site for artists.
• It doesn't matter what you make, all types are supported.
• People provide single or ongoing donations for either campaigns or artists that they love and support.

I dig this.
I dig this so much, so hardcore that I made one.
MY PATREON!

I made a thing mum and dad!

So that is what I have been doing the last few weeks:
Preparing and getting ready for my launch and then making sure that I keep up with the deadlines I set for myself.

And it has been hard
How hard?
SO.
Why?

Well, it is a lot that I have set for myself.
And a big adjustment.
To go from producing maybe one maybe two things per month or year to producing constantly all of the time.

Why did I do this?
Because it makes me happy.
I have found that clear, definable goals and accomplishing them make me happy.
Clear progress to an achievable thing that is hard and impressive makes me happy.

The problem?

Deadlines.

I don't have any.

When you make art professionally or for an audience or yourself or whatever (subject of another post) you have no deadlines.
Not unless you have a publisher or a patron breathing down your neck.
Which isn't an antagonistic relationship by the way, it is just a relationship.
Think about how many editors/publishers/collaborators/readers are thanked in the credits/dedication page of every book/piece.
There has to be a reason!
It is because it can be a genuinely healthy relationship when handled well.

Big Problem:
I cannot make my own deadlines.
It is true, I set deadlines for myself and the art just does not happen.
I stare at my computer screen for hours watching sooo much Facebook scroll past.
And oop...it's New Year's...again...
So I produce.
I write this blog.
I do things to keep on keeping on.

But, it can be hard.
Because too often it can feel like shouting into the Void.
It can be demoralizing.
To shout and not even hear an echo.
When your number of viewers declines.
When your subscriptions fall.
When you aren't growing in a clear, linear, geometric progression.

BUT THAT IS LIFE!
So you keep going.
You keep growing.
You keep making.

But, art cannot happen in a vacuum.
Not for me.
And so I need that sense of deadlines.
Of having a relationship.
Accountability.

Amanda Palmer in her brilliant book: The Art of Asking
She states:

“When you’re an artist, nobody ever tells you or hits you with the magic wand of legitimacy. You have to hit your own head with your own handmade wand. And you feel stupid doing it.

There’s no “correct path” to becoming a real artist. You might think you’ll gain legitimacy by going to art school, getting published, getting signed to a record label. But it’s all bullshit, and it’s all in your head. You’re an artist when you say you are. And you’re a good artist when you make somebody else experience or feel something deep or unexpected.”

~Amanda Palmer, in The Art of Asking, pg. 43

I am an artist when I say I am.
Brilliant!
But, when do I say I am?
When I feel like one.
When do I feel most like an artist?

For me, most of the time, it has to do with audience.
Specifically deadlines.
Someone very special once said:

"The fear of an opening night just lights a fire under the actors' collective ass." 

 She was referring to their fear of an audience.
Their fear of accountability.
Of being found out.
Of being under scrutiny from the Fraud Police (another Amanda Palmer term) and being found wanting.
Of not being artists.
Of not being actors.

So what do they do?
They make some art.
And they make it up quick.

I miss that sense of art.
Of being a part of a larger collective, an institution with deadlines and things.
It is very important to my artistry to know how and when to produce things.
And to make them well.

So what is the secret to doing that for oneself?
As the eminent Sanjay from Slings & Arrows says:

"It's all...a trick!"

It's like a spell.
You say the words or set up circumstances and then it becomes real.
So I need deadlines, but not from me?
Who sets them up if not for me?

The paradox was killing me artistically.
And then it clicked.
All deadlines are arbitrary.
I decide how and when to do everything in my life.
Nobody told me to go to college (well, yes they id, but I agreed to go)
Nobody told me to go to grad school.
Nobody told me to start theatre companies.
How did I do it.
By saying screw it and telling other people to tell me what to do.

SO:
Finally I said screw it, I'll set up something I can't shirk.
Something I don't want to shirk.
Something public and awesome.
So I did Patreon.
It is still waaaay too new to know if it is working for real.
This may all just be beginner's luck.
But, it feels wonderful to commit to something.
To throw myself into it wholeheartedly.

Bamboo farmers work for three years on the shoots before there is any sign of growth.
One day it shoots up twenty feet.
They had no idea while they were working all those years, but one day it just pays off.
But, that doesn't happen if you abandon the field.
Or don't till the earth.

So this is me tilling.
Here is a wonderful TED talk titled Find the Work you Love:

He set himself up for success by surrounding himself by people who were committed to the same work that he loved.
He woke up every day and committed himself over and over to it.
And one day...it shot up like bamboo.
And he found himself in the world where he always wanted to be.

So...that is what I have been doing the last few weeks.