Finding your Way (Getting Lost & Why it's Good for the Soul)

Today, is a spirit jam:

"What do you do to feel free?"

I don't know.
I really don't.

One of the hardest questions I have been asked in a while.
The other being:

"What do you do for fun/play?"

I was without answer then as well.

Art is hard.
And by that, I mean the artist life.

Enter the Slings and the Arrows

Meet Slings & Arrows.
One of the scariest portrayals of artistry that I have ever seen.
Mostly because it is too real.
Mostly because it is too art.
Meaning, it is a show about a Canadian Shakespeare Festival that is run by incompetents, the insane, and all around artists.

It revolves around the travails of the festival and the man on the left, Geoffrey Tennant.
Who, in the first season, ignores his mentor until said mentor commits accidental suicide by pig truck, only to have Geoffrey haunted by his ghost/hallucination in a Kafka-esque/Family Guy question: IS THE GHOST REAL? IS HE NOT?
Oh and Geoffrey is the Artistic Director of the festival...meaning he runs the whole things.
For those not in the know, a synonymous theatre festival's budget was approximately 57.4 million dollars last year. 
He is the CEO of a multi-million dollar corporation!

Artists love this show.
I love this show.
As evidenced by this video:

Stuff people say at a Shakespeare Festival:

"This is exactly like Slings & Arrows. This is just like Slings & Arrows. It's better than Slings & Arrows! We're just like Slings & Arrows!"

Over and over again, classical companies compare themselves to this show.
And why?
Because it is a great show that makes you want to be a part of a festival.
It is also psychotic, maladjusted, and lacks any semblance of communication.
At one point, Geoffrey stabs his artistic rival Darren Nichols in a duel. Twice.
It makes for great television, but why do we love to compare it to our lives?
Maybe because it is a little bit true.

That while we get to wake up for work every day and go in and do sword fights and play...well, maybe that is actually really hard work.
Yes, there is an incredible pay off.
Nevertheless, that is work.

The reason I bring all of this up?
There is a wonderful scene where one of the characters is getting audited.
She has no idea what to do, so she goes to her acting friends.
They tell her:

"Claim everything. Make up, skin cream, shampoo. And every book you read and every record you play. We, as actors, have to be in touch with the zeitgeist."

This did something very interesting to a young and burgeoning artist such as myself (me).
It taught me that every single thing that I do is a part of what we might call: research.
This does wonders come tax season, not so great for my mental health.
And why?

Well, damn near everything that every reasonable person does for fun or as a hobby now becomes an exercise in futility and a drain on energy for me:

• reading
• writing
• walking
• hiking
• exercise
• cooking
• nights out
• nights in
• move nights
• learning skills
• whittling wood

All of it becomes character work.

All of it is transformed from play into something that is done for the benefit of the art.

Which is really, really hard, because they are fun activities that I enjoy. But,...

It is really hard because I burn out very quickly with no sense of play or rest.

So what do I do for play?

I consider almost synonymous with

What do you do to feel free.

Because I am trapped in a world of work.
I have to work to play.
I have to work really hard to feel free.
So I find I often have to trick myself.
So I start with a common hobby that I have turned into research: walking.
And I keep doing that.
I keep doing it and keep doing it, exhausting myself.
And then I find myself in a new place.
A new experience.
Usually on accident.
Something unexpected works its way into the exercise and I am given a choice, embrace it or keep going with the exercise.
If the prospect is free and a lot of fun, I go with the flow.
If it isn't, I often have to wrestle myself into it for a while.
Point being you can keep walking/running:

Joy.

 Or join the lantern festival you didn't know was happening downtown:

You wanna set fire to the night?

So to come back full circle...

What do I do to feel free?

I get a little lost.

It is one of the hardest things to do in this day and age.
We have enough distractions, mini maps inside our pockets, and enough social media events happening pretty god damn constantly.
But, it is worth it to get a little lost.